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The Nice News (c) 2003 Comedy
People Ltd
Scene: A typical news broadcast.
Two presenters, LOUISE and PHILIP, smile inanely.
As LOUISE introduces the news as "Nice", the presenters' names come up on
caption over a two-shot. They are LOUISE GLADD and PHILIP JOLLY.
LOUISE
Hello. The Nice News. A gang of unemployed youths broke into an old people's home
in Edinburgh last night, and completely re-decorated it at their own expense. A police
spokesman said that they were extremely pleased. (To PHILIP) That's nice, isn't it?
PHILLIP
Yes. Very nice. (To camera) In central London today, a large group of men on a tube train
each gave up their seats for a pregnant lady. Three of them escorted her home, four
carried her shopping and push chair, while another, who was a doctor, gave her a quick
check up for free. The lady is reported to have said later that the whole incident was
"very nice". Louise.
LOUISE
And sport. Five year-old Timothy Jenkins from Stockport has won the Little Grove Junior
Mixed Infants' School egg-and-spoon race today, a clear four minutes ahead of his nearest
rival. Well done, Timothy, we're all very proud of you. And now it's over to Richard Merry
for the weather. Richard.
We cut to RICHARD in front of a weather map.
RICHARD
Thank you, Louise. Well, it's going to be a sunny day over most of the British Isles,
which is very nice indeed. Except for Scotland, where it's going to rain all the time. We
can't show you the Satellite photo, because it hasn't come back from the chemist yet -
and they promised it would only take an hour! Philip.
PHILLIP
Thank you very much, Richard. Well, that's it for now. Have a nice rest of the day, and
please do join us in an hour for our next bulletin. Bye-bye.
LOUISE
Goodbye.
FX: OUTRO. LIGHTS FADE
PHILLIP
That was all very nice, wasn't it?
LOUISE
Yes. Yes, it was.
PHILLIP
Except for some of the weather. That wasn't very nice.
LOUISE
No. No, it wasn't. But everything else was.
PHILLIP
Yes. (Pause) Fancy going for a drink later?
LOUISE
Err... (Pause) No.