back
Mafia Sketch - 2 (c) 2003 Comedy
People Ltd
VITO:
Don Luciano!
TONY:
Don Giovanni!
VITO:
What can I do for you, my old friend?
TONY:
I need your help, Godfather. It's Joey. He shows me no respect.
VITO:
And what do you want that I should do with this Joey?
TONY:
He challenged my authority. I want that you should whack him for me.
VITO:
(Nodding gravely) I have a man for such a job. I have a man who would whack Joey for you.
TONY:
Who? Johnny "The Scar" Johnson?
VITO:
No.
TONY:
Tommy "The Hit Man" Scarlese?
VITO:
No
TONY
Then who?
VITO
Willy "The Prefect" Fenelli.
TONY:
But I thought he was whacked by Gino "The Chalkboard Monitor" Gervaise?
VITO:
No - that was Tony "The Maths Master" Parmelli.
TONY:
So who whacked Bubba "The Bursar" Armati?
VITO:
Mickey "The Janitor" Cordino.
TONY:
And Alphonso "The Dinner Lady" Zukini?
VITO:
Yeah - him also. After he had the operation. (Remembering) She. She!
TONY:
So, Willy "The Prefect" Fenelli will whack Joey?
VITO:
Yes.
TONY:
I am grateful for this, Godfather. What can I do in return?
VITO:
I have a little problem of my own. It is very painful to me, but something must be done.
Take this note to Peter "The Chemist" Chemile
TONY:
What is it? A death threat?
VITO:
No. A prescription for some Anusol.
TONY:
I will do this thing for you.
VITO:
But be discreet - I don't want everyone to know about my Clements. Now, is there anything
else?
TONY:
Yeah - Johnny "The Year Twelve" Teranti is here to see you. He is unhappy with
his assignment.
VITO:
Why, that little jerk! Tell him that if he don't do it I'll cut off his dick and sew it in
his mouth!
PAUSE
TONY:
And the other option..?
VITO:
Tony - if I let him off, others will be lead by his example. I am a fair man, Tony. Cruel
and psychotic, but fair...Capiche?
TONY:
I understand.
VITO:
This organisation works on discipline. Johnny "The Kid" needs to be taught a
lesson, and you make sure he gets one.
TONY:
Yes, Godfather.
VITO:
Ah, you know, Tony, there's times when I feel like I'm just an administrator. This job
ain't ain't no fun any more. All this extra stuff I gotta do really pulls my chain.
TONY:
You're right. This school just hasn't been the same since we opted out of local authority
control.
VITO
Get outta here...