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One Good Cop (c) 2003 Comedy People Ltd
LOC: INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. NIGHT
TWO POLICE OFFICERS - ROWNEY AND POWELL - BRING IN A SUSPECT.
POWELL POSITIONS HIMSELF TO ONE SIDE OF THE ROOM, LOOKING ON IN SCARY SILENCE
ROWNEY
Sit down.
THE SUSPECT SITS
ROWNEY
So. Do you want a cup of tea?
ROWNEY
Cigarette?
PAUSE
ROWNEY
Crusty wholemeal bap with ham salad and a dash of mayonnaise?
SUSPECT
Why don't you just piss off!
POWELL BANGS HIS FIST AGAINST THE WALL OF THE INTERVIEW ROOM.
ROWNEY
(To POWELL) Take it easy, John. We're doing this my way.
POWELL REMAINS STILL
ROWNEY
(To SUSPECT) Perhaps I could get you some cushions, or something? Make you more
comfortable?
SUSPECT
I ain't got nothing to say, so don't waste your time.
ROWNEY
Look, I only have to say one word …and the desk sergeant will let you use the
jacuzzi.
PAUSE
ROWNEY
Listen, if you don't talk to me, you'll have to talk to Detective Powell, here. Is that
what you want?
THE SUSPECT SAYS NOTHING
ROWNEY STARTS TO PICK UP A FILE AND GETS READY TO LEAVE
ROWNEY
Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you. (To POWELL) I'm going for a coffee, John.
Alright?
POWELL NODS AS ROWNEY LEAVES THE INTERVIEW ROOM
POWELL PROCEEDS TO REMOVE HIS JACKET AND ROLL UP HIS SHIRTSLEEVES WITH METICULOUS CARE. HE
CIRCLES THE SUSPECT AS HE DOES SO
SUSPECT
(Cockily) I know how this works; 'good cop, bad cop' right? He offers me a cup of
tea while you threaten to slam my balls in a drawer.
POWELL SAYS NOTHING
SUSPECT
(Less cockily) Well, it won't work...
POWELL GETS MORE MENACING
SUSPECT
(Getting very worried) I already told you; I don't know nothing!
PAUSE
SUSPECT
I was never there! This whole thing's a fit up!
POWELL STANDS DIRECTLY BEHIND THE SUSPECT.
HE PUTS HIS ARMS ON THE SUSPECT'S SHOULDRES
SUSPECT
(Shouting by now) I never done it! It weren't me! Jesus Christ! No!
THE SUSPECT CRINGES, WAITING TOP BE HIT. BUT INSTEAD, POWELL STARTS TO MASSAGE HIS
SHOULDERS
POWELL
(Friendly and maybe a little camp) Ooh; feel the tension in those shoulders! Lots
of knots. We need to work on our relaxation technique don't we? Personally, I like to have
a quick thirty minutes under the sunbed while I listen to my whale music. Works wonders. I
could book you in for a session, if you like
SUSPECT
You what?
POWELL
I've got a friend; he'll do a full body massage, one hour, only twenty-five quid. Mad
prices!
ROWNEY ENTERS THE ROOM CARRING HIS CUP OF COFFEE
ROWNEY
Everything okay, John?
POWELL
Just working on the upper back; should be totally relaxed in about ten minutes'.
ROWNEY
Great. Because I've just had a thought - why don't we make up a threesome for the theatre
tonight? My treat…
THE SUSPECT REACTS