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Flying Sketch (c) 2003 Comedy People Ltd
(LOC: EXT - AEROPLANE - DAY)
WE SEE TWO MEN ON THE BOARDING STEPS OF A PASSENGER AIRCRAFT.
ONE IS A UNIFORMED CABIN STEWARD, THE OTHER WEARS A RAINCOAT AND IS VERY NERVOUS.
THE CABIN STEWARD IS TRYING TO CALM THE MAN AND ATTEMPTS TO PRIZE THE MAN'S HANDS FROM THE
HANDRAIL
STEWARD
Now look, sir - flying is the safest form of transport there is.
MAN
(Terrified) It's no good…I can't do it…I can't get on…I just
can't! I can't!
STEWARD
Calm down, sir, calm down! Did you know that, statistically speaking, you're more likely
to be kicked to death by a donkey than you are to die in a plane crash?
MAN
I don't care! I'm not going on board! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!
STEWARD
Alright, sir, alright! Just take it easy. Here - have a nip of this; it'll help you relax.
THE STEWARD PRODUCES A HIP FLASK. THE MAN GUZZLES. THE STEWARD WRESTLES THE FLASK AWAY
FROM HIM.
STEWARD
There. Feeling better?
THE MAN NODS, THEN BELCHES. HE STANDS UP. THE STEWARD STARTS TO HELP HIM TAKE OFF HIS
RAINCOAT.
STEWARD
Good. Well, you get on with the pre-flight checks, and I'll tell the passengers we're
ready for take-off, okay captain?
THE MAN'S RAINCOAT IS REMOVED TO REVEAL A PILOT'S UNIFORM. THE STEWARD HANDS THE CAPTAIN
HIS PEAKED CAP
THE CAPTAIN GRABS THE HIP FLASK, TAKES ONE LAST SWIG AND THEN STUMBLES OFF UP THE STEPS
THE STEWARD GIVES A "PHEW!" REACTION. HIS ATTENTION IS THEN CAUGHT, AND HE
LOOKS, OFF.
WE SEE A MEMBER OF THE GROUND CREW PULLING A DONKEY TOWARDS THE CARGO HOLD…